December 2, 2016

Two Nights of Realization · Night One: Relationships


Night One:

I sat outside of J.P. Flannery's with Justin, who has been one of my close friends since eighth grade. Occasionally, we lose contact. Since BlackOut Wednesday we have been going out together more often and it has been lovely. We are surrounded by couples: two of his friends have brought girls they are seeing and there is a couple dancing in front of the dartboard, and the feeling of how truly alone both of us are sets in.
Justin says, "They have somebody to bring to parties and go home to with afterwards, I don't have that." 
But, why don't we?
We've talked about how difficult it is to meet people, especially after high school. I recently finished college, and even during college I found it tricky to make time for people and spend time with people at school unless you live on campus, which I did my first year. When you live on campus, there are a plethora of opportunities to go eat with people, and party, and there are clubs and sporting events, plus the people who live in your dorms. There are always people around. My second and third year I attended community college, which I found it relatively easy to see people between classes a majority of us had breaks, or it was a little bit easier to plan things outside of school because everybody lives in the area. By far, the most difficult way to meet new people has been at DePaul because by commuting I felt excluded from all of the extra curricular things happening, and I didn't have the convenience of living with people, and always having people around. I think it's also difficult to meet decent people in the workplace, because I personally don't want to date somebody that I work with. I think it would lead to sticky boundaries and uncomfortable circumstances should something happen between the two of us.
Justin and I also concluded that online dating is an area we are on the fence about. While I don't want to tell people, "Oh, I met my boyfriend on OKCupid," so many people do and that's totally okay! Especially as a millennial, online dating is such a popular thing because it's so difficult to meet people in our day to day routines. I might try it just to see how it goes and what exactly is out there, but I'm also wary about meeting somebody from an internet dating site in real life, and having people I know see me on these apps. (These are all personal issues with online dating, there are obviously people who see this differently than I do, and I don't want to sound like I'm looking down on dating apps, they just aren't for me.)
Finally, and this is going to go into Night Two, which will have it's own post, we discussed how even when we meet somebody, it's difficult to find somebody whose personality collaborates with ours. I've always been a drifter. I'm a person who gets along with such a wide variety of people because I have so many different interests, hobbies, and passions, and not necessarily one subject that I am obsessed with. When I start to look for a partner, I want somebody who also enjoys a spectrum of things, without being condescending because I don't know everything about one thing. But, I want our spectrums of interest to coincide, where we enjoy similar things (not necessarily the same things), therefore we can show things to the other person that we know they would like, but it would also be a brand new experience for them. Being as eccentric as I am, a significant other that has even heard of half of the things that I love is not going to be easy to find, but I know when I find him it will be worth it.

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