Miscellayneous

(source.)

Here's a little MM pertaining to self-love because I need a little extra this week. 

My mom measures beauty in size. She sees girls who do music, and girls in movies and compliments them because they are thin. She thinks 'cute' means 'being tiny,' and that's not always the case. I have pinned that to be the reason I feel so poorly about myself with a few extra pounds; I was raised to believe these few extra pounds would make me less beautiful. To this day she makes comments about my weight, especially when I am eating, and eating makes me feel ugly. The other day we were going through old photos, and we found one from my junior year of high school where I was skin and bone, for my size, at 155lbs. She continuously told me how good I looked back then, and made me feel bad about my present physical being.

Fuck that.

I have been bombarded recently with this vocalization of not being 'good' enough because I don't have a stable career, because I don't have a decent partner, and because I don't have the means to move out at this very moment. I am told that I am a failure because I am 23, and I do not have my life mapped out from start to finish, and have little stability in my life.

I don't want to overlook the things that I have accomplished because I am the second college graduate in my entire family, next to my aunt, and I have two perspective graduate schools in my future. I work around books, and I have the privilege of talking about them all day with hundreds of people (even if I sometimes feel under appreciated.) I have been given the gift of words, and I have been taught to expand on my thoughts, ideas, plots, and symbolism so I wouldn't be tied down to angsty, trendy poetry and instead can create a literary piece of Fiction. Physically, I am beautiful, and nobody's opinion or judgments is going to change that.

Today, I am starting the Three Things project where I grab a notebook, date the page, and write down three things I did that I love myself for. On the rough days, I can look back and remember how good I felt, and the happiness that filled my body and soul, and practice self-love to the greatest extent.